William Nuebert "Bill" Haverchuck is a freshman geek at McKinley High School. He is portrayed by Martin Starr.
Character[]
Bill spends time with his two best friends, Neal Schweiber and Sam Weir, and is probably the most socially inept geek of the three, with an awkward sense of fashion, nasally voice, and a love of the show Dallas. He does, however, show a skill at befriending others, such as Miss Foote, and most notably when he managed to make out with Vicki Appleby.
Despite not demonstrating any physical talents, Bill is ambitious to be an athlete, lamenting the fact that he is automatically overshadowed by the jocks (Feig has gone on record explaining Bill would've joined the Basketball team if the show had been given a second season). This leads him to be often at ends with his gym teacher and possible future step-father, Coach Fredericks, especially when he starts dating Bill's mother.
Throughout the Series[]
Pilot[]
The audience is first introduced to Bill right outside McKinley high school doing Caddyshack impressions with his two best friends, Sam and Neal. They are interrupted when their bully, Alan harasses Sam, causing Bill to flee the scene. Throughout the episode, the trio--particularly Sam--continue to get picked on. Bill tries to stick up for him in the locker rooms, but is does not go as planned. They ask another friend, Harris, for advice, who tells them to have a physical fight with Alan. When the geeks are waiting in Alan's neighborhood for Sam to arrive, Bill has second thoughts and even expresses concerns of dying. However, he, Neal, and classmate, Colin, still proceed to beat up Alan.
Beers and Weirs[]
In the second episode, the geeks are concerned about the keg party Sam's sister, Lindsay, is going to be throwing. Bill proposes the idea that they swap out the beer with some that is non-alcoholic, so the trio heads to a liquor store. Once they arrive at Weir house with the new keg, Neal distracts Lindsay, while Bill tells Sam all about Neal's crush on her as they are swapping out the beers. Bill also gets beer sprayed on him, making it look like he peed his pants. During the party, Bill's job is to guard the alcoholic beer hidden in Sam's bedroom. While he is watching "Dallas" he becomes curious and drinks some of the beer, ultimately becoming the only one who is truly drunk at the keg party.
Carded and Discarded[]
The geeks are all immediately lovestruck when Maureen--a new transfer student from Florida--walks into their biology class. They are even more moved when they find her sitting at their usual lunch table and are more than happy to welcome her. They bond with her quickly and even launch model rockets with her and take her to the all-you-can-eat buffet at Iron Horse. The boys decide to draw a name out of a hat to determine who gets to date her. Bill wins, though he clearly cheats. Before he gets a chance to ask her out, Neal expresses concerns about how she is talking to a cheerleader, Vicki. They get Eli to interrupt their conversation and want to prevent her from talking to other people. However, they cannot prevent her from meeting other students, so they eventually have to learn to allow her to expand beyond their group.
Quotes[]
- "My bra’s chafing. Let’s just go home."
- "My cousin slipped into a coma once, and then when he woke up he spoke fluent Spanish."
- "Remember that time in science class when I tried to sneak out a fart but it came out a poop? And then I had to flush my undies down the toilet? Do you think I wanted to tell you guys that?"
- "You cut me off mid-funk."
Photos[]
Trivia[]
Bill has many allergies including peanuts, licorice, nougat, bees, cats, and certain dog breeds. His mother, Gloria, believes she is responsible for all his sensitivities because she drank a lot of alcohol when she was pregnant with him.